New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
