Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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