brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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