Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
