sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
