Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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