why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
