my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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