here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
