i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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