first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
