so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
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I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
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Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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