I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
