i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
