I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
