holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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