So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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