we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
