You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Randomize
