No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
