where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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