Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tied me up with her honor cords...
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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