Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
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Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
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On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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