For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
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Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
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I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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