I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
