At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Randomize
