Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
