I wish I could punch you in the face.
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Randomize
