Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
