I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
