Who wears a wallet chain?!
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize