I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
A bitchslap is in order.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
