Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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