Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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