i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Drunk is not a location!
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
