So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I wish I only lived at night.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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