Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
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