The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
