there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
