a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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