Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
