So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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