I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
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It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
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What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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