Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
