I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i barfeds in our rink
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
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Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
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Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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