He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
