Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
