You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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