I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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