i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
