I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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