Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
