Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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