Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
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