Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Randomize
