could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
