Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
