One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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