Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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