you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
