can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
