its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Even my vagina gasped.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
