I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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